Another Year Over....

Wow. And so 2019 is upon us.

I can't believe it. I can't believe that August 2016 is when this whole nightmare started. I can't believe that Christmas 2015 is the last Christmas that David and I spent together. And now here we are, entering 2019. It's like....time has gone by so freaking slow, but so freaking fast all at once. I just don't get it.

I feel like 2018 was the Year I Didn't Care. Like, honestly. Everything I did in 2018 was working toward the next time I would get to go down to Mexico to see David. I got to go down there in January, April, and July, so pretty much any time I wasn't in Mexico, I was working to save up money to go to Mexico. I wanted to go in October for our first wedding anniversary, but we both agreed that we should just focus on working and saving money and me actually taking care of stuff here in the States so that I can get down to Mexico for good ASAP!

So basically my year was working, traveling to Mexico, and not caring about much else, really. I spent time with my family and those friends closest to me, but other than that....my routine was pretty boring and consistent. Especially once the holidays rolled around, I was a big pile of "don't give a shit" to be honest. I didn't decorate barely at all. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday, but this year I honestly....again, I just didn't care! I put a wreath on my door, and that was the extent of my decorations. I never once turned on 93.9 (the "Holiday Lite") in my car or wherever. I would listen to/enjoy Christmas music at work, sure. As far as shopping and preparing...me, my mom, and my brother all agreed not to exchange gifts. So thankfully, I had no stress as far as that went. Christmas was very low key with the three of us. And then it was over. And now it's almost New Years.

But as much as 2018 was my "Year I Just Don't Care"...2019 is going to be the year I turn it all around. Big things are happening, people! January is going to be quite the month, as I'm renting out my house starting in February, so I need to get anything and everything out of this house by the end of the month and then....I'm moving back in with my mom! Whaaaaaat. Yes, after a little over 12 years of not living with my parents....I'm moving back in with my mother. Sooo that should be interesting.

Not gonna lie, it's kind of awesome how the whole situation happened. So I was originally planning to sell my house just to cleanse my hands of it and not have to deal with it anymore. My roommate is moving out at the end of January and I had wanted to have it pretty much ready to sell by then. However, my financial situation hasn't exactly been "stable" since all this started happening two and a half years ago, and having a roommate has really helped me keep my head above water. Realizing I was going to lose that--and that my house was nowhere NEAR ready to sell--was kind of pressing on me.

But then this situation just sort of fell into my lap. A friend of ours was looking for a house to rent in the west burbs. I just so happened to have a house I was willing to rent out in the west burbs. We got in contact, went over some basic logistics, and BAM....decided I would rent my house to him!

And that was the first domino that set the whole rest of my plan into motion. I'm going to be out of here by February. I will have steady (modest) money coming in from the rent I am collecting. I will be living with my mom and therefore my financial burden will be lessened SIGNIFICANTLY and all the stress and anxiety and depression I have been experiencing over the last two years will hopefully finally start to decrease! At the same time, I will be able to save money and pay off my car and pay down debts and get everything in order to finally make the move to Mexico for "good"....whatever that should mean.

So basically my timeline is this: Get moved into my mom's house by the end of January. I will travel to Mexico February 2-12. I'll take down as much stuff as possible at that time. When I come back, continue to work and save money as much as possible. Maybe make another trip in April, taking down even more stuff. Possibly one of the cats, if David is receptive to that (lol). Come back for a couple more months, and then hopefully by June be ready to get down there for good!

Ideally I would like to be down there for 3-4 months, then come back for a couple months to work, rinse and repeat. But that's something that will be played by ear. I'm looking into a couple remote employment positions that I could take while I'm down there, earning USD, so we'll just have to see how those pan out.

All things considered, I'm incredibly optimistic for 2019. These past couple years, it's all been speculation and "I'm going to try for this" or whatever. But now I have a concrete plan. There's a light at the end of the tunnel and I can finally see the day when I'll be back with my love for good! I can't wait!!!

Christmastime is Here.....

And so another Christmas is upon us.

This will be my third Christmas without David here. It doesn't ever get any easier. I was looking at pictures from December of 2015 and I thought to myself...that was the last Christmas we were actually together here?! How can that be? I feel so robbed...my last three holiday seasons have been wasted, taken from me somehow...Christmas is my favorite time of year and I can't even get into it anymore. This year, I put a wreath on my door. That's it. That's the effort I put into my decorating. No tree, no lights, no decorations. They all remain in their boxes in the basement. The only time I listen to Christmas music is at work. My family and I aren't exchanging gifts because none of us have the time or the money, so we agreed just to not do it at all. It's going to be a low-key day at my mom's--just me, my mom, and my brother. And all that is okay with me.

I know that one day things will be different. Things will be back to normal. Not right away, of course. But at least next year at this time I will be down in Mexico to stay, so David and I once again will have birthdays/holidays/Christmas together, as it should be. And after that....once the visa is approved and the waivers are filed and THOSE are approved...he will be back here in the States where he BELONGS. With his wife...with his daughter....with his parents and his siblings and their families. We will eventually have kids of our own. And our Christmases will return to the happy, joyous, family-filled occasions they are supposed to be.

I cannot wait for that day...

Long Time, No See!

I'm so disappointed in myself. I haven't been keeping up this blog as well as I have wanted to. But that's okay. It's going to change in this new year coming up. Lots of things are changing and lots of progress is going to be made.

I sadly haven't been back to Mexico since my last trip (which I unfortunately didn't finish blogging about). David and I both made the decision that I wouldn't come back in October, even though I wanted to because it was our first wedding anniversary, because of financial reasons for the most part. I already had a wedding in Florida that I was traveling to for a long weekend, and although I had wanted to piggyback even just a few days in Mexico City onto that trip, I knew it wasn't realistic or smart financially. So no, I didn't go.

That leads us to here. Almost mid-December, and I haven't seen him in almost five months. This is the longest we've gone since this whole debacle started. I have no idea how I've made it. Not gonna lie, it's been a really, really tough stretch of time.

I just wanted to make this post as kind of an update post, like "I'm still here, we're still working on it" but I think in the next weeks coming up, I'm going to start getting a little more serious and in-depth about our story, about what exactly we've been through the past couple years, what we're expecting and looking forward to in the coming months....and then go from there.

Thanks for reading, those of you who do!

Trip #6, Days #6-7-8

On Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, David had to open his bar, so unfortunately we couldn't really take much advantage of those days. On Friday, he ran errands to get supplies for the weekend while I lazed around a little bit. When he opened the bar, we were there, talking and hanging out with everyone, I mean it was like being at a bar with friends, just with the difference that my husband owned it and I got to drink for "free". Haha. We were supposed to go out dancing with David's cousin and some of her friends on Friday night for someone's birthday, but unfortunately that fell through because of the birthday boy's unexpected work obligations. Oh well....next time....!

On Saturday it was more of the same. I joined David on his trip to pick up more stuff for the bar/restaurant. Then we came back to open the bar. At one point I was really hungry, and we FINALLY headed around the corner to our *PORK CHOP TACO!* place! It's a small stand that's only open on Saturday and Sunday, and the Sunday I got in, we tried to go, but it had closed already. So we waited ALL WEEK for Saturday and finally went with Oscar to get my favorite tacos de chuleta. You guys, they are soooo good. So....I was pretty happy about that!

After the tacos, we went back to the bar for a little bit. Things were a little slow, and David ended up closing right at 1:00....and then those of us who were still there headed a few blocks down for a street party that was going on! It was a lot of fun. We drank, danced, danced some more, drank some more. Then we headed back to the house and met up with some guys hanging out in front of the Abarrotes down the street from David's house. We talked, we laughed, they made me say stuff in Spanish and we laughed some more. All in all, it was a great night, lots of fun and we were all able to let loose.

On Sunday...well, let's just say we were all out very late on Saturday night. Sunday was a late start. But we opened the bar again. Business was steady, but there were a couple potential troublemakers there that night. David did a great job handling them, I will say. They kept trying to pick fights with people. Obviously, David could take them on easily. But 1) he's not going to put himself in that position, and 2) he's risking retaliation at his home/business if he does. So he kind of talked them down a little bit (it was actually only one of the two guys that was acting that way) and then ended up closing early (i.e. kicking them out). Turns out this guy still had his "I'LL FIGHT ANYONE!" attitude on the street....which ended up in him getting his butt kicked! Not by anyone involved with the bar, just to let you know. And I can't believe I was upstairs this whole time and heard and saw NOTHING! I'm so bummed I missed out on a real Mexican street fight XD

Anyway, once the bar was closed up and locked up, I went back downstairs, and hung out with David, the girls that work for him (Racquel and Red), and Oscar and Alma. We just sat around talking and listening to music for a while until everyone finally drifted out and went home.

Trip #6, Fifth Day

Thursday started out as another pretty chill day. We made the decision to go to Coyoacan in the afternoon. Got all dressed and ready...when David realized it was Thursday! Since his car has out-of-state plates, it's not allowed to "circulate" on certain days (I believe it's due to the air quality or traffic or something like that) which means that he can only drive around his neighborhood, not down on the main avenue or anywhere else. His days just so happen to be Thursday and Saturday and we just totally didn't even think of that. *Groan* So we changed out of our nice clothes, into something more casual, and hopped on his bike to find somewhere to eat. Oscar had recommended a good seafood place on the main avenue, so we headed that way. It was actually pretty good! David ordered us a michelada con camarones y ostiones (pretty much beer with shrimp and oysters in it)....sounded strange to me but it was actually really good!! I mean we both love shrimp and oysters, and the beer was a michelada so had some extra flavor to it and went really well with the seafood. Then he ordered me something, I don't remember what it was called, but it was a filet of fish baked in foil with like EVERY kind of seafood meat....shrimp, oysters, mussels, octopus, crabmeat....omg it was so good!! HUGE, so I couldn't finish it all, but really, really good!

Afterwards David wanted to take me to this bar he had heard of. We ended up finding it and grabbing a table. It was the CUTEST little place...crowded but cozy. They had a guy there playing guitar and singing some romantic-like songs (of course I couldn't really understand the lyrics but the music was amazing). And the coolest thing was, (and forgive me because I don't really know how to say this) he didn't have a full hand on his right hand! I always think that's an amazing thing to see, when someone overcomes an obstacle to develop such a talent like that.

So I had a watermelon martini and David had a beer. I'm usually apprehensive about ordering cocktails or mixed drinks down in Mexico, because a lot of times they don't make them properly (had a cosmo once that was basically cranberry juice cocktail) or make the mixed drinks REALLY weak (not worth it). So I tend to stick to beer unless we're making our own drinks. But this martini was GOOD. Then, at the next table over, we saw this girl order some incredible flaming martini-looking drink. David asked the server what it was, and it was actually a shot! Blue curacao, Baileys, and Kahlua layered in a martini glass, which the server put two knives across and then balanced three glasses pyramid-style on top, lit some absinthe-type liqueur on fire and then poured it over the glasses, landing in the martini glass. While he was doing this, I was supposed to start drinking through a straw. Now if you know me, you know I drink. And I love shots. But this was almost too much for me! I have video of the whole process, I'll try to post it here later if I can! But it was crazy!

After that, we asked for the check (I am no lightweight when it comes to alcohol, but I was definitely feeling tipsy after that shot). Headed back to the house where we ended up meeting Gina and Oscar to hang out for a little bit. We grabbed some drinks from David's bar and sat out front for a while just chatting and listening to music. Then we got hungry so we headed down to our favorite "cheese tacos" place! (I don't even know what it's called, it's just delicious!) After eating a ton of food, we headed up the hill/mountain to this overlook place to hang out a little more. A gorgeous view of Mexico City and great company rounded out the fifth day of my trip.

Trip #6, Day 4

Wednesday was a pretty good day! We woke up and bummed around a little bit. I still didn't have phone service, meh. We got something to eat and then came back home, where I attempted to get in touch with the international customer service rep. Long story short--we came THISCLOSE to connecting with the network but ultimately we couldn't fix the problem. The CSR had said that it wasn't recommended to try to activate service while outside of the US, which I wish the initial people would have told us! Basically I just accepted the fact that I would not have cell phone service for the next week, until I got home. Which makes me very anxious--not that many people would be trying to get in touch with me, but what if? I'm 2000 miles away from home in a completely different country. It's scary to be cut off like that. Obviously I still had Facebook but still.

So I got in touch with a few key people (Mom, roommate, coworker) just to let them know that if they needed to get in touch with me for whatever reason, to message me through FB. And then I accepted that I had no phone! Ah well.

David ended up taking a little nap before we headed out to his weekly soccer game. He has a group of friends here who play soccer every Wednesday night (one girls' team and one guys' team). He didn't really play before, but lately he's started playing with the guys' team. Some of his other friends who don't play (Oscar, Alma, Gina) met up with us at David's house, and we all headed to the game together.

Unfortunately, the games didn't happen! The guys didn't have enough players, so they had to forfeit. And the team that was playing the girls had to forfeit as well. Soooo that was fun. Haha. It started raining a bit while we were sitting in the stands waiting for the girls' game to start, so me, David, Oscar, Alma and Gina went down and walked through the park to a sheltered picnic table to have a few beers. And then of course the girls never played anyway. So some of the players met up with us, and we walked over to a little convenience store across the street from the park, where they usually hang out after games. So we were sitting around, drinking, talking, listening to music...and then Oscar gets up and asks me to dance! Now, if you know me, you know I love to dance. And David and I are completely okay with each other dancing with other people. But I always get nervous when I'm dancing with someone new, because while I'm pretty good at dancing cumbia (for a white girl), I'm used to dancing with David. And sometimes if I'm dancing with someone else, I tend to mess up the steps a little bit here and there and then I feel stupid! Haha. Anyway, it ended up being totally fine. But it was also hilarious because we got up to dance....and out comes everyone's phones!! I was being recorded by like four people haha. I'm sure they were all posting it to Facebook like "Check out this gringa in the barrio....and she's dancing cumbia!" It was hilarious but it definitely made me feel even more self-conscious!

Of course that's something I notice a lot when I'm down here. In the city, it's not uncommon to see Americans, Europeans, Asians. But where David lives, in Iztapalapa? There's pretty much no reason for a white girl to be around here. So I get a LOT of double takes and stares. David loves it, because he loves to show me off, lol. But it's still something I'm trying to get used to. Because I know it's going to keep happening. I just have to accept it.

But at the same time, when people here get to know me, I think they get a little surprised. They always comment to David how down-to-earth and easygoing I am. They appreciate that *I* appreciate them, their neighborhoods, their culture. I'm not stuck up or feel like I'm superior to them. But it's because I'm not! There's nothing that makes me any better than any of the people I meet here. So I live in America, so I have a pretty nice house, so I make a good amount of money. It doesn't matter. When I'm here, I respect the people here because I am in THEIR home. I may not understand like 75% of what's going on, but I sit with them and listen to their conversations and try to participate whenever I can. If a guy asks me to dance, I'll dance with him. If David tells me to say something funny in Spanish, I'll say it. And I think they appreciate that I try! :-) (Oh, and sometimes I dance like a ridiculous white girl, they usually love that!)

So anyway. Of course I danced with David a couple times. Then another guy asked me to dance. He tried saying something to me at one point but I had to tell him I didn't really understand. Oops! That's another thing. I get nervous when David's not near me, because when people try to say things to me and I don't understand, he's not there to translate for me or help me understand! Haha. Pero oh well.

THEN. At one point we're sitting down. I was using my "new" phone to take pictures and videos during the evening. And I don't know what I did, but I threw out a hail mary and changed one of the network settings on my phone (the CSR had told me to choose a manual network, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to change it back to automatic like my old phone was).

AND THEN A TEXT MESSAGE CAME THROUGH! And another! And another!! My phone was working! I showed David and just started laughing with glee. I was sooo relieved. So yeah, that was definitely a great way to end the night!

We stayed a little while longer until the shops started closing up, and it was time to head home.

Trip #6, 3rd Day

Well, the third day of my trip was a very uneventful one. Most of the day was spent attempting to deal with our phone situation and Sprint customer service. We ended up deciding to temporarily disable David's US number, and move my number to his US phone (Galaxy S7 Edge). Unfortunately, upon doing that, my "new" phone would not connect to a network. It got increasingly harder to deal with customer service, as David's Mexican phone tends to automatically disconnect after about 17-18 minutes, and they weren't able to call back because it was an international number. And both of our US numbers were now not working. So we called three or four times, but every time it was a new representative who just told us to do the same things as before. I was also attempting to chat, but it kept saying chat wasn't available on the Sprint website. I finally connected to the support chat that evening, did everything they told me, and at the end of the chat (even though my phone still wasn't connecting to the network) I was reassured that it would connect, that it just took a little while to provision or whatever, but I should eventually regain service. The CSR said that if I had any other problems, to contact Sprint International Customer Service and provided me with a separate link.

Unfortunately, I did not regain service, so I pretty much just gave up. I figured if I didn't get service by the next morning, I'd contact the international chat.

So, this was a fun day. David and I spent the rest of the evening watching comedy specials on Netflix, so it was a nice relaxing evening.

Trip #6, Day 2

My second day here started a wee bit late. David and I both slept in pretty late. Honestly, he needed it (he's been working way too much lately), and I was still trying to recover from no sleep the night before. So we both caught up.

We kinda bummed around a little bit before getting dressed and ready. Then David took me out on his motorcycle! I was a little nervous at first. I have never ridden on a motorcycle before so obviously it's a little scary. But I think one thing that helped a lot was that I completely trust David. And that made it a little easier for me to just relax on the bike and not tense up like maybe some people would. Anyway, it was super fun! He only had one helmet, so we stopped at a little shop and bought one for me. We mainly just rode around his neighborhood streets, but at one point we ventured out onto the main avenue--which was actually a little better, since it's one long, flat road as opposed to the winding, pot-holey, speed-bumpy roads of David's neighborhood. Anyway, it was pretty awesome!

One thing that is SUCH a stark difference from the States is the way people travel around. You can see entire families on one motorcycle--we're talking two parents and two kids!! I've also seen people driving around with babies on their laps in the front seat! People in the States would flip their shit at something like that....Child Protective Services anyone? But here, it's such a normal thing. Typically those people are only driving around on neighborhood roads, which are small and winding, and you can't go that fast on them anyway. And people tend to drive more carefully, so that may have something to do with it. I just think it's funny, considering I've seen posts on my Village's FB page about "OMG I JUST SAW A MAN DRIVING A MOTORCYLE WITH A ***CHILD*** ON IT!!!" And here it's just a normal occurrence. So interesting.

Anyway, after riding around for a bit, we stopped at David's Tio's house for a graduation party. It was a really nice time, sitting, talking, listening to music, eating mole and rice and the most delicious cake ever! Then we sat out front for a while. I was actually able to carry on a pretty good conversation in Spanish with David's Tia. Sometimes I really surprise myself with how far I've come in learning Spanish. I still have a long way to go, but I'm working on it!

After we left the party, we ended up meeting up with a couple more of David's friends at one of their houses. They had pozole, but we were still pretty full from the mole. So we sat and talked and drank for a bit before heading home again. Another great day with nice visits with friends and family.

Unfortunately, upon returning home, David was taking a picture of me next to the motorcycle with my phone--and dropped it!! It was totally fine at first. The screen wasn't cracked or anything! I did have a cover on it that had protected it pretty well up to this point. But it fell face down on the hard tile. A little while later, I noticed a small crack right by the home button, but that was it. Sadly, the next time I went on my phone, I noticed some black/purple lines near the bottom of the screen, and it was hard for me to type on the keyboard. The black splotches became worse and worse until it was almost impossible to see my screen. We tried to switch the SIM cards between my phone and David's US phone (he has a phone with his US number on our plan, and a phone with a Mexican number since he's living here now). Unfortunately we had to call customer service. As it was already pretty late, we gave up for the night and figured we'd deal with it the next day. To be continued...

Trip #6....Day 1

So here I am, back in good ol' CDMX! Sixth time in one year. Being here so often, with my husband, in "our" home, honestly makes Mexico City feel like my actual second home. I mean, I guess it is, technically. And coming up here in the near future, it will be my home for good.

I got in on Sunday afternoon, after a loooong day of traveling. My first flight took off at 6:25 AM. Had a layover in Houston while I got some breakfast. Then got delayed because of a storm. Then when we were finally lining up to board, took us a good 20 minutes to start getting on the plane. THEN we sat at the gate for...well, I'm not sure how long, because I fell asleep. I was soooo exhausted. I had slept a bit on my first flight, but I was OUT on that second flight. Which is probably a good thing. I woke up about halfway through, maybe a little more. Flight time was a little longer, since we had to fly west first through San Antonio, then south and back east a bit to fly around the storms. UGH. When we finally landed and I was approaching customs, two guys asked if I had an American passport. I said yes...so they directed me out of the line and into a separate area where apparently now they have electronic kiosks! Was super fast and easy--sooo much better than waiting in that stupid line. I believe it's only for American and Canadian passport holders, so anyone from Europe or elsewhere would have to go through the actual line. Nice!

I was sooo excited...last step, get my bags and then out of the terminal to see the love of my life once again!! Well....not quite yet. I waited probably a good 20 minutes to get my bags. The suspense was killing me!! I just wanted to get OUT of there and see David again!

So I finally got my bags (they were soaking wet of course, I'm assuming from the rain in Houston, yuck) and wheeled my cart out of the terminal. I saw David right away, I was smiling from ear to ear...and there goes the sign! For those who don't know, David has started making me signs to greet me at the airport. How sweet, right? Mmmhmm. Last time his sign (on bright yellow poster board, mind you) read "WELCOME HOME FROM PRISON, MY LOVE!" I knew it was going to be something like that this time....and sure enough....."HAVE YOU SEEN MY SUGAR MAMA?!? I'M RUNNING OUT OF MONEY!" I just started laughing so hard again. Luckily his signs are always accompanied by a dozen roses, so I can usually forgive him, haha! He's so cute, isn't he??

So we grabbed my bags and headed to the car--FINALLY, at 4:00 (I was supposed to get in at 1:50!). We stopped at his house for a second to drop off my bags and let his employees in to start opening the bar. Once they got there, we left because I was STARVING and went to grab some cheese tacos at one of my favorite places in his neighborhood. They are soooo good. I like it too because there's a guy that works there who speaks English, which is always kind of a comfort to me, you know? He used to live in Kentucky before he was deported as well. So it's kind of nice to know of someone else who's been through that same situation.

Anyway, after the most delicious tacos, we went back home and I was still soooo tired, so I ended up taking a nap while David went down to work in the bar for a while. I woke up around 10 and went down to hang out with everyone. All in all, it was a pretty nice way to start my trip to Mexico City.

July.

And so July is upon us.

This used to be my favorite month of the year. Summertime....my birthday is July 2nd...the 4th of July was my favorite holiday...Especially when David and I were together, we would take full advantage of the month. Going to festivals, Great America, the lake, hanging out in the backyard together, going out with friends, just having fun and enjoying life.

A year ago on this day (July 1, 2017) I printed out my passport renewal form and filled it out. David had been in ICE custody for almost 11 months. Transferred from Dodge County, Wisconsin, to Pine Prairie, Louisiana, to Alexandria, Louisiana. ICE was telling us nothing, but we had a feeling deportation was imminent. As my passport had expired in May, I knew I had to get that taken care of so that I could fly down to Mexico City to see him ASAP.

Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to my birthday. On top of the fact that David just wasn't around, we also had a feeling he was about to be shipped back to his home country. I was going through some other personal issues with certain relationships that were weighing heavily on me as well. So all of that is coming back to me the same time this year.

David was finally deported on July 6, 2017. As heartbreaking as that was, to know that his case would not be resolved with him still in the country, it was also something of a relief just to FINALLY have an answer after 11 months of being jerked around by ICE and DHS. And you better believe I booked my plane tickets to Mexico City like two days later!

So, this time of year has become bittersweet for me. Last year, I had a lot of support from a lot of amazing people. Unfortunately the one person I desperately needed it from was ripped away from me and sent 2000 miles away. But on the plus side, a few weeks later I was able to fly down to finally be with him almost a whole year after we were separated. I could jump into his arms and kiss his lips FINALLY. And when I did, the tears came hard and fast. I couldn't believe we were finally together again. I couldn't believe I was back in his arms. I couldn't believe I could touch his face. Regardless of everything that we had been through and everything we still had to face in the future, the fact that I was back in his arms where I belonged just made everything right in the world.

And now I get to look forward to getting a sixth stamp on my passport in a little less than a week! I will be back with him once again. It can't come fast enough.

It's Been a Little While!

Hi Friends! So I haven't been keeping up with this blog as much as I had wanted since I returned from Mexico last month. After my last post, obviously things were getting to me and I was feeling pretty down for a while. I just have a lot on my plate right now, and I let it get to me. I'm honestly a little disappointed in myself, because I am not at all like that. Like I said before, I tend to roll with the punches no matter what. But everything was weighing so heavily on me and I was so overwhelmed that I just sort of "gave up" for a little while.

But I'm happy to say that I'm on my way back! Over the past few days I've gotten a few things accomplished that I've needed to (some little, some big). One of those included selling David's trailer. While it was pretty damn sad watching it drive away and knowing that I'll never see it in the back spot anymore, I was also proud that I was able to list it, show it, and negotiate the price all on my own, and in the end I was very happy with what we got for it. I'm also happy that I listed it on Friday, and it was gone by early this afternoon (Monday). Quick and painless indeed! And the money will help us out significantly right now. Couldn't have come at a better time. I'm glad I finally got my ass in gear and committed to selling it.

So along with a few other things that needed to be taken care of, I feel more accomplished than I have since I last returned from MX. And I have a little bit more clear of a plan of action. I need to talk to my boss, but I think my next trip will be July 1st through the 9th or 10th. David wants me there for my birthday (July 2nd) and we were kind of talking about having a party at the house, for my birthday, but also for the "4th of July" and have it America-themed. We think everyone down there would get a kick out of it because it's sort of a novelty, you know? So that's what I'd like to do. Plus, it's the week of the 4th, so since my job is closed on the 3rd and the 4th (and technically the 2nd because it's a Monday), I wouldn't actually have to miss that many days of work. If I'm gonna take time off, might as well take time I'd be off anyway!

But then once I return, I would pour all my resources into getting a second job (preferably at a breakfast place), saving up money, paying down my debts; and spend all of my free time working on getting stuff out of the house and the house ready to sell, because I don't think my next trip to Mexico then would be until October. I want to be with him for our first wedding anniversary, obviously (October 18th) and I would also like to piggyback the trip with a trip to Florida for the wedding of a very dear friend that I wouldn't miss for the world. So I would have all summer to work, save money, and focus on getting the house sold. Then hopefully I can get it sold quickly, move in with my mom for a little bit to save some extra money....and then by the end of the year or early 2019, I'll finally be ready to move down to Mexico long-term!

I plan to get my residency right away. I qualify to get my Residente Temporal because I am the spouse of a Mexican National, so I can come and go as I please. I figure I can always come up to the States to work for a few months at a time, since dollars will go so much further down there! After two years I can get my Residente Permanente if I wish, which of course I would. Eventually, especially if the process ends up taking longer than we anticipate, I would absolutely apply for dual citizenship.

So, we have a game plan in place. It could shift and change and adapt over the next however many months, but at the moment, this is kind of how it's looking. I'm happy with the plan; it's just going to be executing it that won't be easy. But I can do it. And I have to remember that I don't HAVE to do everything on my own. I have a lot of people willing to help me out--I just have to quit being too proud to ask.

Welp, there you have it! That's just about my life in a nutshell right now, haha. I've also been toying around with ideas on what direction to take this blog. Obviously, I would like to tell our story as we go. My entire goal when starting this blog was to put our story out there for others who may be going through the same thing. But lately I've been thinking about taking it further. Searching out resources and highlighting organizations that might be able to help, depending on the situation. Demonstrating some of the pluses and minuses and experiences of the American immigration system. Documenting my experiences as an American, married to a Mexican, in Mexico. Comparing the culture and way of life and everyday experiences of Mexico to America, as far as my personal observations. I'm at the stage where I'm past the anger at the whole situation and I can approach it much more rationally at this point, and while I'm still developing this blog into the best I hope it can be, I hope it can eventually be a valuable resource and tool and, of course, reassurance to others in my situation. So it's a work in progress, but hopefully much better things are to come!

Our Old Life

It's finally starting to hit me.

Earlier this week I was going through the garage, sorting stuff, putting a bunch of things up for sale online. I'm starting to attempt to get as much stuff out of the house as I can in preparation to sell in the next couple of months.

And it's hitting me.

The life we had really is no more. And with every other thing that I pull out to sell or purge or throw away, it's just another blow. His bike in the garage, that will never ride down the trail with me again. The yard equipment he used to use to make our yard and everything look so nice, will never be used again. The Barbie Power Wheels he bought for his daughter will never travel down the front sidewalk another time. The box of leftover fireworks in the garage will go unused. The grill in our backyard will never be used by us on nice summer nights to grill burgers or steaks again. It's all going away. Everything out... and in the end, selling the house we lived in together, never to return.

It was a little easier up to this point because I hadn't really started going through anything, and I was more focused on working and trying to save money to go see him whenever I could. But now it's time to get serious about emptying the house to get it ready to sell, which is overwhelming in itself, but it's also making it real that he is not coming back to this, and that the beautiful life we had before will never be again. 😔

I think it was also a little easier because I was trying so hard to be optimistic about his case. From Day One, I was constantly convinced that we could get David released, or that his Visa would be approved quickly, and NEVER did I imagine that it would end up taking this long for his Visa, or that he would end up back in Mexico in the end anyway! So now I have had to adjust my mindset that this is going to be a much longer process...we will be filing for the CR1 (Spouse) Visa along with the waivers, but that that will end up taking at LEAST a couple more years. And it's an adjustment to say--okay, I thought it would be over by now, but since it's not, I have to face the reality that it could be a couple more years. And make my decisions going forward based on that mindset.

It's hard. I'm not gonna lie. I'm a very roll-with-the-punches type of person. I've pretty much always been able to take what life throws at me and just go with it and adjust accordingly. But this is getting to me. My life is about to change drastically. I'm abandoning pretty much all of our possessions--the business that my husband built from the ground up and everything he invested in--all the furniture we purchased together and the home that we built for the past five years. A year from now, this will all be a memory. I will have left my home country, the only country I have ever known, to move 2000 miles away to live in a completely foreign country. My life will be completely different, and nothing that I had ever imagined.

I just need to remember...I'm doing this for one reason, and one reason only. The man that I love. My soulmate. The love of my life. He is the only reason I haven't questioned or doubted any of my actions through this point. Because my end goal, no matter what, is to be reunited with him for good. Being together again will make all of this worth it. I think the toughest part for me right now is that he can't be here to help me deal with all of this. It's overwhelming and I have to do it all on my own. If it was just my stuff, I wouldn't care. If I lived in an apartment, it'd be so much easier. But we have years of things we've accumulated in a house that we share and again, all of the inventory he's built up for his business. And now I'm left alone to deal with it, and I'm not gonna lie, it just sucks.

Once everything's gone, once the home repairs are made, once the house is on the market and then sold, once I pack up the truck to head down to the border to make my move once and for all...I'm sure I'll be fine. The stress will be over and we can start the next chapter of our lives, our next adventure together, down in Mexico.

And I finally won't have to worry about saying goodbye to him after a week or two anymore.

And that will be SO WORTH IT.

My Fifth Mexico City Trip....Day 2 and 3

So Day 2. We slept in a little bit, as expected. Right? I had had a long day of traveling the day before. I deserved a little bit of rest. :-D

Anyway, we got up and we were a little bit lazy. Took showers, got dressed. We ended up going down to the corner to grab a beer with some neighbors and hang out for a bit.

After a little while, a friend of David's came by and we called her over. She was fighting with her boyfriend so we said she could hang out with us. We ended up driving around for awhile, heading down to the main avenue to get some gas for the car, then back up actually to the place David and I had been the night before. We hung out for a while drinking some beer, taking some pictures, enjoying the mountain view. It was a really chill day and we had a great time.

We ended up heading back down and went to this bar for one more drink. It was a really cool, funky place. We had a great time together, just hanging out, talking, drinking, you know the drill.

At the end of the night we dropped off David's friend and headed home. We sat on the balcony for a little while before heading inside to pass out and fall asleep! Not exactly an exciting day, but we had a great time.

Day 3....All I'm going to say is that David was not feeling well, so it was a very low-key day. Sleeping a lot, watching a lot of TV. I felt so bad for him.

My Fifth Mexico City Trip....Day 1

I was hoping to blog about my most recent trip to CDMX (Mexico City) during the time I was there, but unfortunately I wasn't able to. So I'm going to try to relive it from memory as well as I can.

Day 1. I arrived in Mexico City around 2 PM and swiftly made it through customs. I was surprised, because when I went there in December and January, the customs lines were RIDICULOUSLY long (almost an hour wait both times). I can understand why in December (I went during Dia de la Virgen de Guadalupe) but at the end of January, I wasn't sure why so many people were going other than maybe they were all from the north and they were trying to get away from the cold weather! So anyway. This time around, I sat in the first row of the airplane (I'm usually in the back), and when I got to customs I was the third person in line. And then when I went to baggage claim, of course I got my bags within two minutes. And OF COURSE David was running a little behind! So I ended up having to wait for him (not too long, only like 15 minutes) in baggage claim. Again, not a huge deal for me at all, aside from the fact that I COULD NOT WAIT to see him and hug him and kiss him again!!

So when he finally arrived, I headed for the doors to the waiting area and saw his smiling face and was greeted with a HUGE hug and kiss and a dozen roses :-) I love that he always dresses up and brings me flowers when he picks me up from the airport! It was amazing and refreshing to be back in his arms again, where I belonged. I couldn't stop hugging and kissing him.

Unfortunately, eventually we had to, and he grabbed all my luggage and we headed for the car. David had just bought a new car only a couple days before I got there. A Chive green 1986 VW Beetle! I LOVE IT! He was pretty excited about it too. And we were both pretty happy about having a reliable form of transportation to get us around while I was there, instead of having to rely on cabs and other public transportation.

So we headed home. Once we got there, I was very tempted to take a nap, but I didn't want to waste any time. I changed into a cute, warm-weather outfit (it was about 80 degrees and sunny there!) and we headed out to find some food.

We were driving around David's neighborhood when we spotted a place that looked really nice and clean, and advertised pozole on special (MY FAVORITE!). So we parked and headed in. We enjoyed the most amazing pozole and just chatted and caught up on things. When we were finishing up, the gentleman that lived upstairs came down because he was curious when he heard us speaking to each other in English! It turns out he had lived in the States for quite a while before coming back to Mexico in 2012. He was fluent in English, and I was very surprised because he spoke with so little of an accent! So we chatted with him for a bit and ended up exchanging phone numbers and making plans to get together with him and his wife at some point. That's me and David--always making new friends wherever we go! Some things never change :-)

After that we headed back to his house. His neighbors across the street were outside and they invited us over for some beers. I have to say, after the winter we had here in Chicago, it was just so NICE to be sitting out on the street, having a few cold beers, socializing with neighbors (so I don't speak much Spanish, but it's okay because I'm still pretty much able to understand/follow the conversation and make random contributions here and there), and I was just loving it. Being back with my man, the love of my life, in the sunshine and warmth, enjoying life and being happy together. That's a feeling you can't put into words. I was just enjoying living in the moment right then and there.

Later in the evening, we were looking for something else to do, when David wanted to venture out and try to find this spot he used to go to when he was younger, where it overlooks the city. So we started driving around, and then up, up, and up in his neighborhood looking for this spot. While we didn't find exactly what he was looking for....we did end up finding an amazing view. We ended up sitting on a concrete wall, looking out over the city lights, enjoying a couple more beers together. It was so romantic, and was the perfect way to end an amazing day back together.

They Say I'm Strong.

Tonight, I heard a phrase that I've heard countless times over the past year and a half.

"You are one of the most patient and strong women I've ever met."

I hate to say that I've heard it so many times that it's almost losing its meaning. But I feel like I just respond to it the same way every time now. "I have no choice." "I have to be patient/strong, or else I would lose my mind."

But it's true. I have no choice but to be strong in this situation. To be patient for the outcome, no matter what it is. Because honestly, what other choice do I have? To pull the covers over my head every single day? Deny reality? Sink into a deep unforgiving depression from which there is no return??

Nope.

When this was all first happening, I was (mentally) in a horrible place. I mean, I guess I was physically in a horrible place too, because I wasn't eating right, I was losing weight (and I'm not exactly heavy in the first place), and I wasn't taking care of myself at all. I never in my life knew what it was like to be mentally unstable, to be bipolar, to have extreme anxiety, and maybe I still don't, to the extreme of others. But I definitely got a taste of it. I certainly wasn't myself anymore AT ALL. I remember when I used to have three days off in a row...and sometimes I would spend all three of those days in bed, watching Netflix, not doing anything else, not opening my window blinds or showering or eating or anything except getting up to feed my cats and go to the bathroom myself. The days I had to go to work, I could manage. At least I had a goal at that point. But on the days I had no responsibilities....let's just say all hell could break loose.

I remember literally having the covers over my head for hours. I remember putting on the most depressing Youtube music videos just so I could sit in my room and sob to them. I remember the Cubs going through their World Series run....that one thing I thought I had waited my entire life for. But going through it without the one love of my life beside me, was the ultimate definition of bittersweet. On November 2, 2016, my Cubbies won the World Series. I was surrounded by friends and family....but that love of my life was absent. He had been taken from me by ICE three months before, and in that moment where I experienced something I never thought I would--the Cubs winning the World Series--what I always thought he would be with me for--he wasn't there. If you're not a Cubs fan, you might not be able to understand. But that was a pretty big deal, and a pretty sad, depressing moment for me.

The depression continued into 2017. It was a rollercoaster. Ups and downs. Bipolar emotions. Anxiety over and over again. Nights of watching music videos on Youtube and just crying to let it out.

Thank the Lord my life is so much better and calmer now. Obviously we had hoped for a better outcome, i.e. that he would be back home already. But that's not the case. But AT LEAST he is free, even if he's back down in Mexico. I've been down there four times now. Going back again hopefully next month. So I get to see him and actually BE WITH HIM. Of course I visited him while he was in custody--many times while he was in Wisconsin, even though it was behind glass and over a phone. But I didn't care. I drove five hours round trip multiple times just so I could see him and talk to him and give him the strength to know that I was willing to do that. When he got transferred down to Louisiana, and I found out they allowed contact at that facility, ohhhhh hell I booked that plane ticket RIGHT AWAY!! I will never forget that day, the first day in almost nine months, that I was able to finally HUG AND KISS my fiance, and yes I snuck in an ass-grab.....lol. But it was worth it all. And it solidified the fact that I would wait forever for this man.

But like I said, he's free now. I can go see him whenever I want. I am so fortunate to have a flexible job that allows me to do that, and Southwest Rewards that have allowed me to get enough points to pay for multiple trips to Mexico City!!

So I suppose, back to the whole "You're a patient and strong woman," deal. I have been hearing a lot of that over the past year and a half. And you know what? It feels good. It makes me feel good. When people tell me that I'm patient, or strong, or resilient, or whatever, I realize that I DID have a choice, and I DO have a choice, every day. I could choose to give up. I could have chosen that from the beginning. I knew, when David was taken into ICE custody, that I was probably going to lose him in the end. It's incredibly hard to fight ICE, to fight the US Federal Government. I think we both knew, no matter what we did, that he was going to end up back in Mexico in the end.

And he gave me an out. He told me point blank, from a phone call in the federal detention center: "Lauren, if you don't want to deal with this, it's okay. This is a serious situation, and if you want out, I get it. I'm totally okay with it."

My response?

"Are you kidding me? I said I would marry you. I wasn't lying. You are the love of my life and I'm IN THIS for life."

The fact of the matter is, David is the love of my life. My soulmate. Some people may say I'm overly romantic, idealistic, I fall in love too easily. But me, I know it. I knew right away that I could never be apart from him. Which was bad at the time but maybe isn't so bad now, lol. He is my person. My soulmate. The one I can't live without. MY LOBSTER!! And I will do anything if it means we can be together for good in the end.

Patience. Strength. Resilience. It comes naturally when you have someone that makes that all worth it.

I love you, David. And I will never stop fighting for you.

Sympathy vs. Empathy.

Sympathy vs. empathy. I always remember one of my college professors going into that concept in detail. It's the difference between me relaying my story to a friend, or a customer at my bar, or a family member, or an acquaintance. I tell them what is going on and how I feel. They are sympathetic to my situation because they feel badly for me. They wish I didn't have to go through this. They want things to be different for me. They feel sorry that I have to deal with this. I appreciate that, but I don't necessarily want it--do you know what I mean? I don't want anyone to pity me. I just want to relay the information of what I'm going through so people know and understand. But the sympathy, I could really do without. Although I appreciate that it's coming from a place of love and caring. It's hard to explain.

Now, when I'm a part of these groups of women on Facebook, American women who have Mexican husbands who have been deported and now they have to figure out their life going forward--it's a COMPLETELY different ballgame. It's EMPATHY. It's someone who is going through the same situation that I am, who understands what that means on every level, who can relate, who is actually feeling the same feelings that I am! The first time I found that was last March, when our lawyer put us in touch with a woman from Illinois whose husband was in custody at the same facility as David (down in Louisiana) and going through the same U-Visa process as we were. We ended up spending a good two hours on the phone together. I cannot even tell you how therapeutic that was, I would say something and she would be like "YES I KNOW!" and vice versa. It was like we were the same person talking. And for the first time since David had been taken into custody, I didn't feel *ALONE* in this situation. There was someone else in this world who was going through exactly the same thing. Who was trying to figure out what to do with her husband's business if he got deported (her husband did end up getting deported a little before David). Who was struggling with so many of the feelings I was as well. It was a comfort in a way. To have someone to relate to.

And then I started exploring groups on Facebook, visa groups and immigration groups. And I ended up being added to a private group for wives of men deported (not necessarily only to Mexico, but mainly Mexico and South America). And let me tell you--meeting hundreds of American women in one place who were in exactly the position I was.....it's life-changing. It's like one of those support groups in church basements, except it's online. And you can post whenever you want instead of having to wait for meetings, and people will listen and talk back. I can speak freely on there, and I can read others' candid thoughts and stories and relate. Like I said, it's a private group--you have to be recommended by someone and screened before you're added (Dude, I get it, this is a pretty sensitive topic nowadays) and most of us have formed a pretty good relationship. We can all post whenever we want, whatever we're feeling or going through, our experiences, our journeys. And everyone is so supportive of the others, because obviously we're all dealing with this horrible, painful, difficult time in our lives. Some of us are married, some are only engaged, some have kids, some are willing to relocate to Mexico, some can't because of obligations in the States, some are fighting their cases and others are just facing that there's nothing they can do so they have to choose between living apart and seeing each other only every so often, or relocating from America to Mexico. Regardless of it all, each and every one of these women's lives have been changed drastically. It's no longer a simple option of "Well you're married, can't you make him legal now?" because of all the laws put on the books in the past 20+ years. It's a long, difficult, expensive road and it isn't even guaranteed to be successful. It's so sad.

Anyway with that sidenote aside (lol) my point is that we are actually very blessed. A lot of couples in our position have it a lot worse. They have kids, the women have good, decent-paying jobs in America that would be hard to leave and relocate to Mexico, or they do leave their lives here but they are living in rural areas which is a COMPLETE culture shock, or they can't leave the country because of family obligations (caring for elderly or handicapped family members), or they move down there and can't find work (or at least anything that pays decent) because they don't speak the language, etc etc. With our situation, our assets, our long-term plan....we could live a good life down in Mexico City while we wait to hear about the U-Visa. And if that's denied, or even in the meantime, we could file the marriage petition (CR1 Visa), and once that goes through, we could start the waiver process. And cross our fingers like hell that his waiver will be approved.

And if it isn't, it looks like I'll be living in another country for the next 10 years....

First Casualty.

Well! Not even 24 hours in and I suffered my first "friend" casualty over - of ALL THE THINGS - the NAME I chose for this blog.

I had someone who I used to respect and valued their opinion once upon a time basically lecture me about how me naming this blog "The Life of a Deportee Wife" was making myself a "victim" and that I shouldn't base my identity on that, because I was more than that.

Excuse me?!

First of all, that statement is flat-out FALSE. The name of my blog is in NO WAY me trying to present myself as a victim. My husband was deported from the United States. I am his wife. I don't see how those two factual statements have anything to do with victimhood at all. If I was a stay-at-home-mom and I named my blog "The Life of a SAHM" would he have a problem with that? If I was a soldier's wife and I named my blog "The Life of a Soldier Wife" would he have a problem with that? So why is me naming my blog such a problem? Because it has to do with illegal immigration? I don't care! Regardless of ANYONE'S stance on illegal immigration, my husband and I are in the situation we are in and we are TRYING to make it right and this is our REALITY. So if you have a problem with the fact that I call myself a "Deportee Wife" (in fact there are many, many more American women whose husbands have been deported and that is what we refer to ourselves as) then that is your problem, and yours alone, and I don't have any time for that in my life.

Then he proceeds to lecture me about how illegal immigration is wrong (duh), David is only in this situation by his own fault (duh), he's seen me say things "here and there" against our country (forgive me if I get angry and frustrated and bitter at times and once I said I felt "betrayed by my country"), and blah blah blah. He makes the statement that he is not really familiar with immigration law (let me give you a nice long lesson buddy) but he knows illegal immigration is illegal. Again. DUH.

Alright dude. Thank for schooling me on the way I'm "supposed" to feel going through this situation. Look, I knew David's status when this all began and I didn't care. So don't say that I shouldn't have fallen in love with him or pursued him because honestly, my heart and my mind had no control over the situation. I thought we would get the chance to fix it before he got deported, but that didn't happen. We are still in the process of fixing it. But illegal immigration aside, our immigration system SUCKS. It is long, tedious, expensive, USCIS is understaffed and overworked, and even at the end of it all, the decision comes down to ONE SINGLE PERSON'S DISCRETION whether this visa applicant should be allowed to live in this country. If that person is having a bad day when it's time to make a decision on David's status, they can deny him just because they feel like it! And that is a SCARY thought when you're trying desperately to reunite with the one you love. There have been laws introduced recently that make it even more difficult and more expensive to come back into this country legally. I get it. They don't want fraud. They don't want people getting married just to come here. They don't want people coming in this country who can't support themselves and will just leech off the system. They don't want people coming in this country who have nothing to offer. I get it. David gets it. Many people would be surprised at how much David gets it. Most countries are like that. But as I said before, going through this process, I have experienced anger, frustration, bitterness, the feeling of "why us?", all of it. I think that's pretty forgivable considering I have woken up every single day for the past year and a half in the house we used to share, ALONE. I've been unexpectedly stuck with all the bills and all the responsibilities. The person I used to spend every single day with for years is now 2,000 miles away from me and currently CANNOT COME BACK FOR TEN YEARS without going through the proper procedures (again, even more expensive and time-consuming). Yes, we accept responsibility for the situation. We knew the possibilities. This is our problem and ours alone (although we are so grateful for the countless people who've offered support since it began). But that doesn't make it suck any less, and I think we're entitled to the feelings we tend to experience every once in a while. So yeah, one time I said I felt "betrayed by my country." But those were my feelings at the time, and I don't think I need to apologize or or have them validated or dismissed by anyone else. It's not their problem. It's mine. It's ours.

You know, I'm a conservative Libertarian. I still hold conservative beliefs despite going through this. True, I am a little more familiar with the immigration system at this point and hitting brick wall after brick wall looking for solutions, and I am seeing firsthand--THROUGH EXPERIENCE--how unfair and exasperating it can be to try to fix this and make it right. But the fact that someone who I thought was a friend, would call me out like that for MAYBE switching sides on ONE issue, and then proceed to lecture me about this and unfriend me IMMEDIATELY after, not even waiting for a response (again, this situation has been going on a year and a half, not sure why he's all up in arms about it just now), it just blows my mind. I hate to use the word "intolerance" because I just really don't like that word. But holy cow how intolerant can you be??? He claims "No one knows what really happened or why David was deported" but did you even ask? Because I've been pretty candid with the people who've actually asked me or seeked out a conversation with me, at least as far as what little information I had on the subject for awhile. We're not trying to hide anything, but thanks for making it seem like we are. Oh but at the end, he DID say "I still wish the best for you and David and hope you end up together, good luck" because that makes everything he said alright.

NOOOOOOOPE.

So to any of you who may feel this way, please know that I understand where you're coming from. Your views are your views and generally I respect them--conservative, liberal, moderate, WHATEVER. I don't have to think they're right or agree with them, but you are allowed to feel what you feel. But this is my REALITY. Whether or not that makes me a victim is irrelevant (for the record, I do not consider myself or David victims of anything other than unfortunate circumstances and bad timing). And so sometimes that reality catches up with me and I just hate this situation and I hate that it's so hard to fix it. I hate that I, as an American citizen, am actually starting to plan to sell my house, move to a country I have never lived in, where I don't speak the language, and start my life all over again because the man I fell in love with, my other half, my soulmate, is not allowed to come back here where he has lived for the past 16 years, is fluent in the language, is business-minded and hard-working, paid his taxes, YES I'M SORRY HE WAS HERE ILLEGALLY, but if he was allowed to come here legally he would be the type of person anyone would want to live here, because the US is telling that man that he is not allowed to come back here unless he waits a lot of years and pays a lot of money (and even after all that, they might still say no). I'm sorry if you think I'm saying "poor me, poor me" but the bottom line is that I hate the situation and I think that's pretty acceptable for me to say. But we're trying to FIX IT, not wallow in the "poor me, poor me," as much as we might want to sometimes. We're both tough, and we're fighters, and that is what we're doing now. We're fighting like hell to be together no matter where in the world we end up, because we are the love of each others' lives, and the only thing that matters right now is being back together for good and starting a family and building a life and a legacy. So if you feel this way, please know that I understand where you're coming from....but I don't appreciate it, and I don't need it. You either support me and David or you don't, and if you don't, move along please.


"The Life of a Deportee Wife" IS my identity right now. 100% of everything I do every day is done with the end goal of either bringing David back to this country, or finally moving down there to be with him once again. That is my identity and I have chosen to embrace it. And I have chosen to share my experience and my journey because my life sucked and my world was horrible when I felt like I was going through this alone--and once I found an amazing group of women who are going through the exact same situation as me, even though it still sucks, it suddenly became not so horrible! So why is it so bad if I want to offer that to others? While at the same time sharing my life with the people who actually care to know what's going on in it?


If you want to have an honest conversation about my situation, or the struggle of reconciling my views and beliefs with a situation I'm personally going through, or the process we've been going through, or how this happened, or ANY of it...just ask. If you know me, you know I'm pretty much an open book and I'd love to have a conversation and share my thoughts and my knowledge and my beliefs. But it's not fair if you don't ask, and then you just make an ASSumption about things like that. And don't you DARE lecture me about what we've been dealing with for the past year and a half.

But what do I know? I'm just apparently a traitor to this country and my political beliefs because of something I said on Facebook once because I was having a bad day.

Good riddance.

First Post.

Welcome to my blog! This is the second attempt at a recent blog for me. I figured I'd start fresh, since I'm giving up Facebook, and also I wanted to start a new blog since I'm (as of last July) officially a "Deportee Wife." And that is going to be a big part of my life, and our journey, from here on out.

This is the first post, and it kind of sucks. It's late, and I'm tired, and about to go to bed, so I'm not going to make the first post of which I was imagining, but stay tuned for more updates to come!