Our Old Life

It's finally starting to hit me.

Earlier this week I was going through the garage, sorting stuff, putting a bunch of things up for sale online. I'm starting to attempt to get as much stuff out of the house as I can in preparation to sell in the next couple of months.

And it's hitting me.

The life we had really is no more. And with every other thing that I pull out to sell or purge or throw away, it's just another blow. His bike in the garage, that will never ride down the trail with me again. The yard equipment he used to use to make our yard and everything look so nice, will never be used again. The Barbie Power Wheels he bought for his daughter will never travel down the front sidewalk another time. The box of leftover fireworks in the garage will go unused. The grill in our backyard will never be used by us on nice summer nights to grill burgers or steaks again. It's all going away. Everything out... and in the end, selling the house we lived in together, never to return.

It was a little easier up to this point because I hadn't really started going through anything, and I was more focused on working and trying to save money to go see him whenever I could. But now it's time to get serious about emptying the house to get it ready to sell, which is overwhelming in itself, but it's also making it real that he is not coming back to this, and that the beautiful life we had before will never be again. 😔

I think it was also a little easier because I was trying so hard to be optimistic about his case. From Day One, I was constantly convinced that we could get David released, or that his Visa would be approved quickly, and NEVER did I imagine that it would end up taking this long for his Visa, or that he would end up back in Mexico in the end anyway! So now I have had to adjust my mindset that this is going to be a much longer process...we will be filing for the CR1 (Spouse) Visa along with the waivers, but that that will end up taking at LEAST a couple more years. And it's an adjustment to say--okay, I thought it would be over by now, but since it's not, I have to face the reality that it could be a couple more years. And make my decisions going forward based on that mindset.

It's hard. I'm not gonna lie. I'm a very roll-with-the-punches type of person. I've pretty much always been able to take what life throws at me and just go with it and adjust accordingly. But this is getting to me. My life is about to change drastically. I'm abandoning pretty much all of our possessions--the business that my husband built from the ground up and everything he invested in--all the furniture we purchased together and the home that we built for the past five years. A year from now, this will all be a memory. I will have left my home country, the only country I have ever known, to move 2000 miles away to live in a completely foreign country. My life will be completely different, and nothing that I had ever imagined.

I just need to remember...I'm doing this for one reason, and one reason only. The man that I love. My soulmate. The love of my life. He is the only reason I haven't questioned or doubted any of my actions through this point. Because my end goal, no matter what, is to be reunited with him for good. Being together again will make all of this worth it. I think the toughest part for me right now is that he can't be here to help me deal with all of this. It's overwhelming and I have to do it all on my own. If it was just my stuff, I wouldn't care. If I lived in an apartment, it'd be so much easier. But we have years of things we've accumulated in a house that we share and again, all of the inventory he's built up for his business. And now I'm left alone to deal with it, and I'm not gonna lie, it just sucks.

Once everything's gone, once the home repairs are made, once the house is on the market and then sold, once I pack up the truck to head down to the border to make my move once and for all...I'm sure I'll be fine. The stress will be over and we can start the next chapter of our lives, our next adventure together, down in Mexico.

And I finally won't have to worry about saying goodbye to him after a week or two anymore.

And that will be SO WORTH IT.